stand-up comedian, writer, actor and voice-over artist


Moscow and Cairo Dating: It MUST be Valentine’s Day

Have you ever gone out with someone and then a few years later, started seeing each other again? It’s kind of neat. There’s a level of familiarity; you know what the other likes and you’ve gone through a break-up and now it’s time for make-up sex.

So the picture of Egypt’s Field Marshal Abdul-Fattah el-Sisi shaking hands with Russian President Vladimir Putin should make the most jaded of analysts say awwww.

Yes… Dorothy, there is a second act in International Relations.

While in Moscow, el-Sisi received an early Valentine’s Day card… I mean… endorsement, from Vladimir Putin on his presumptive presidential run.

This is the kind of democracy that Vladimir Putin understands. Heck, he wrote the manual.

Here’s how it works: Permit elections. If you don’t like the results, remove the guy who was elected, and take power yourself.

So no wonder el-Sisi and Vlad were all smiles. And this relationship goes back a long way.

You see during the Cold War, Egypt and Moscow were LIKE THIS. And let me tell you, Cairo looked GOOD in a sweater.

But it was the 50s. And Cairo wasn’t prepared to ‘go all the way’ with that whole Godless Communism thing. Don’t get me wrong. Cairo WAS turned on by Moscow and thought that Moscow was exciting. A real bad boy.

But Godless Communism in a Muslim country just wasn’t going to fly.

Things got tough, words were exchanged. You know how it is. And they broke up in 1972. Cairo went solo for a while and even started talking to the neighbor boy Israel which really pissed off her ex who severed the friendship treaty in 1981.

Around the same time, Cairo started seeing a nice American boy.

And Moscow, wasn’t wild about this either and got snotty and pouted. Well Cairo wasn’t going to put up with that kind of attitude, got pissed off and threw all his boy things… like military advisors out on the curb.

Well that’s how bad boys are. They can be real smooth talkers, but sooner or later everyone has heard the same old lines and they just don’t work anymore.

And like all bad boys, sooner or later they have to grow up and get a real job.

Things were rough for a while. This whole working for a living thing was new. Moscow wasn’t used to it. Hell, wearing a suit was SO not the image they were looking for. They were leather jacket kind of guys.

But suddenly, they discovered that chicks dig a well dressed man. And suddenly the bad boy was all about the wardrobe.

And even better, the rest of the world liked the bad boy in a suit. Of course the bad boy hadn’t changed. He was still a bad boy, albeit a well dressed one. But now he got invited to all the nice parties and got to meet a different class of people. Unlike in his old neighborhood where there was no class.

Fast forward to Valentine’s Day. Cairo and Moscow are making goo goo eyes at each other again.

Today they are both a little older… a little wiser.

Cairo has realized that a little religion can be a good thing, a LOT of religion, not so good.

And Moscow… well Moscow hasn’t really changed. He’s still figuring out the angles now that Cairo is single again. And he’s patient.

And Cairo still looks good in a sweater.

And… check out our weekly international political satire series World in Colour.